Wednesday, April 13, 2011


This is a day late. Yesterday was too much craziness to handle without contemplating it first!

Wednesday was not wiggly. . . just weird.

Scene: The railroad crossing by Fratelli's pizza. There are two bridges that take you over a man-made ditch. A bum stands by the bridges. every. day. Doesn't matter the time or the day. He's there.

Backstory: Every Wednesday after lab, Elle and I go back to my house to eat some lunch. We take shortcuts through alleys and we walk across the bridge. We always see the man, smile and say hello. Politeness is always classy.

Now on to Wednesday. We'd been talking for a while about grabbing him something to eat. An apple or sandwich. . .you know? Nothing crazy. However, today we decided to grab pizza at Fratelli's. We are self proclaimed pizza addicts and critics and we wanted to try the place out.

While we were waiting for our pizza, we had the idea. We'll get the pizza to go, save him a few pieces and give the leftovers to him. We didn't think it would be a good idea to get him his own pizza. . . that and we're poor students. Plus, then, if for some reason, he turned us down, we wouldn't have too much pizza, but we could eat the leftovers.

The pizza took longer than we expected. I figured it would be out in fifteen minutes max, but 25 minutes later we were still waiting. I started freaking out a little because I cannot be late to math. Missing the first five minutes makes the rest of class impossible to understand. Finally, though, it comes out and we've got 20 minutes to eat and talk to bridge man.

We go on our way to meet our friend by the bridge and when we are getting nearer, he senses us or something because he turned around to stare at us! So as soon as he turned around I talked loudly "Hey! We got pizza for lunch and had some leftovers! We wondered if you'd want them??" By the time I finished talking we were really close to him.

He didn't say anything. . . then an awkward 30 seconds later he signaled for us to stand REALLY close to him and in front (we were standing on his side.) Not going to lie, when he signaled us, I thought he was pulling a shank out of his jacket! We thought we were going to die, but at least we were trying to be kind.

Turns out, he didn't want to kill us.

Elle was too scared to move. I moved to be face to face with him (about two feet apart) and we just smiled. They were forced smiles because we thought he was going to kill us or something, but smiles are smiles.

The next thing is the weirdest.

He smiled at us and in a very, very English accent said, "Talk to me appropriately and I will accept your pizza."


First of all, it was super hard to understand him in at all, but appropriately? What was inappropriate the first time? So we asked him to repeat himself; he said the same thing.

We figured he wanted a nice conversation, but I had to be in class in 10 minutes. So we asked him how his day was, what he liked to do for fun. . . things like that. Then we asked him again if he'd like the pizza. He said, "No." Elle was dumbstruck. She just looked at him with her jaw dropped. I asked if he was sure. He said our conversation wasn't good enough.

So. We left him. And laughed. And talked about how we thought we were going to get shanked. And then we ate the leftovers.

It was insanely odd. Very weird. Later I thought about it and I'm sure he just wanted us to introduce ourselves and have him introduce himself, but that was the last thing on either of our minds! Next time we'll execute a plan more carefully.

The moral of the story: Come to Flagstaff. Eat a pepperoni pizza at Fratelli's. Your mouth will thank you. Your brain will never forgive you for eating that when you're going to deprive yourself of it when you go back to where ever you're from. And, your heart will thank you for not eating at NiMarco's grease-tastic pizza place.

The end.


Allisa and Nicholas said...

Too funny. I love this story. I will definitely have to talk to the man who feeds the cats.

kylee said...

what theee random man? that story was hilarious.

Brittany Lew Whoo said...

hahahah i love that he was english! you crack me up.