September 2026

 Thaddeus and Izzy got is married and we celebrated them in Gilbert, San Tan Valley, and Show Low. 

We went camping with the Forsbergs in Forest Lakes. This was our first time bringing out our popup camper, and it was amazing!!! We learned all the things, and I am excited for our next trip. Jake is amazig and drove it perfectly. It's always fun to see a loved one learn something new and Jake dirivng that camper was the highlight of my month! 

Gwen and I got to go to a stake swim party, and each ward had a representative for a splash contest--they were all men except me. I ended up winning third place for a peanut roll and a swan dive. hahaha!

We all got caught up on dental appointments and well checks. 

Now this part of the story goes dim. 

Caroline's health deteriorated this month. When I write this is middle of October so I have the blessing of hindsight. was hospitalized in the middle of August. 

Caroline had not been well. Her husband, Troy, accepted a new job in California and she went there with him to look around and check out housing options. While in California, she got sick. She got back home and was admitted to Barrow's. We assumed this was all to do with her MS diagnosis, as for many years in the past she's had flare ups that require a hospital stay or two. This struggle was timing. We knew Thaddeus and Izzy had their wedding planned, and every day it got closer and the realization that she wouldn't make it was more likely. Still, this was not the end of the world because she'd get out. While Caroline was in the hospital, Dennis and Marilyn (my parents) accompanied Taylor to the temple. 

On September 1, the day of the wedding, Mom and I went to visit Caroline. She was alert and talking and ready to eat. She was so sad to not be able to get any of the catering she ordered for the reception. I spoke with her nurse secretly and got the okay to smuggle her some food. The only reason she hadn't been eating is because they worried about choking due to events that happened during the stay--but she was now cleared. She was receiving continuous dialysis with ports in her neck to constantly filter for her kidneys. It's at this point that we know she has a high level of ammonia built up in her system. This explains some of the delusional thinking Caroline was experiencing. She self reported not recognizing the family. Mom and I leave after I gave her a head massage--Berit was also at the hospital the night before and massaged Caroline's legs for hours, so she was feeling good! That weekend we left for the mountains for the ring ceremony and reception part 2.

Our family got back into town on Monday. We got word on Tuesday that Caroline's kidneys were still sluggish. On Wednesday, she fell while using the restroom. That Saturday, she fell again and needed a CT--it was normal, but she was experiencing a hard time swallowing and choked and vomited. All was still okay. Progress isn't linear. We weren't worried beyond normal worry. The team told us she was getting released and would get feeding therapy, occupational and physical therapies, and more. The release date was Thursday, then Friday, then it got moved to Monday. Finally the orders went in and she was released to a skilled nursing facility (SNF).

Caroline got out of St Joes on Tuesday, September 15. On this day, we found out she had E. Coli. The team wasn't worried and put her on antibiotics. We all expected her to go in for a few weeks and get out ASAP! On Thursday, Caroline was standing and even walking. We got reports that she was embarrassed that Mom was slower than she was and Caroline was using a walker! She always called it out! hah!

On Friday morning, we got the news that her ammonia levels had doubled overnight and she had to go back to the hospital, and this starts the downward spiral of events. While my mom was out getting some things for Caroline, she was transferred to the ER. She was readmitted Friday night. When my mom arrived, she heard Caroline calling out for her, saying "Mom?" The curtains were closed while she was intubated. 

Throughout all of this awful experience, Mom was at Caroline's side. She took a few breaks here and there when things were on the up and up, but Mom was at every point of this holding her daughter's hand. 

On Sunday, September 20, Mom sent out a text that Caroline had had a bad event and told us all they had told her Caroline would be passing within the days. We rallied from our different corners. Meredith went and got Dad from Snowflake and brought him to the valley while Tyler drove them down, steady and safely. Berit loaded up her family and left Yuma within the hour. Sarah had to play at the primary program and did all she could to get through that before coming in a hurry with her family. Jake and I were the first to arrive due to proximity. We got word that Caroline had been moved and during that move, her heart rate dropped and she was not going to survive the night. We stayed during neuro exams, surgical consults, infectious disease conversations and more. This is the point where all the sisters became confused and upset. We didn't know it was this bad. We were all thinking this was going to be a normal situation, and now we faced the reality of losing a sister far too young. 

For the next few days, family stayed close. We didn't want Caroline to be alone. We took shifts so people could sleep. We began a family group chat and disclosed her oxygen levels, listened so intently to ICU nurses that our texts were completely a different language, and began being hopeful. Mom went home with Dad and came right back down. She dropped him off so he could get back to taking care of their home. 

Two days later, Caroline crashed three times. Again, Meredith came down with Dad in tow to bring him to our mother and his daughter. Her body couldn't fight anymore. She was resuscitated each time while we waited and waited for the hospital to get the approval for a DNR from next of kin. After the DNR was finally handled, the call was made to remove her from life support. The hospital expected her to pass quickly. She was on the lowest setting of the respirator and it ended up taking one week in hospice for her, but she comfortably and angst free passed on Thursday, October 1 at 9:36pm.

Caroline was never alone in her last weeks of life. She was always attended to by my devoted mother. She had the company of Berit with her never ending massages for lymphatic drainage. Meredith talked to Caroline in depth about what her body was doing so Caroline wouldn't be confused. Sarah came and was a steady companion. I came and asked never ending questions, always delusionally hopeful. 

This is first and foremost my journal, and I get to write whatever I want. Even then, as this is slightly public I will censor myself for the next part. 

There are several parts of this journey that I didn't share where there was a complete lack of humility, empathy, and compassion. While most of the story is filled with love and concern, one thing I will take with me and teach my children is how to avoid and leave people who show you they don't care for you. We consistently teach them how to choose the right people, and now I know I need teach them how to get away from people who don't give them the compassion and dignity they deserve just for being alive and human. The hardest part of losing my sister has been the after--and I'm the grudge holder in the family so I'll just be here, keeping count. If anyone forgets, I'll help you remember.