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January 2021

 We made it through! We didn't get through the year unscathed, but we got through. Seriously, as a year in general, it was really fine. The ending was just so rough that it's easy to forget how sweet it started.  Some hard things: I've really wanted more children for years. I hoped 2020 would be the year, and it really hurt my heart that it didn't happen. It's hard to let go of something like that because it was such a righteous desire of mine. In my patriarchal blessing, there's a line that says, "your home will be filled with the laughter of children." I took this to mean my OWN children, and am realizing it can mean my neighbors and friends. It hurts, and some days I'm really mad that what I wanted for so long won't happen. I did fertility treatments, took so many meds, got the most incredibly painful ultrasounds, had interesting procedures and all alone, and all for nothing. I get mad at myself, at Jake, and at God. I'm working on heali

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December 2020